Omo!

I missed writing to you yesterday… I kept thinking on what poetry to share till I fell asleep. There’s more to this, but, that doesn’t matter right now.

As an aside; omo, e wan red oh! Management don release date for new assessment oh! The formation fit mek liver cut, but, God pass them.

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Eh he, I thought to let you know; I had an episode this morning —anxiety attacks. (If you’ve read “numb” you’ll relate better to this.)

I don’t know what precipitated it, frankly, but when I woke this morning, by minutes past 12am, and while attempting to read after prayers, I felt choked, I knew what it was already. I’ve been through this too many times in the past three years that now, I just know by default not to bother reading; nothing enters.

I was streaming Undone by Steffany Gretzinger, my roommate made noodles. While she ate, I picked my food. One thing led to another and I spilled. She helped me unclog, with music, hugs and a cuddle.

To demystify a bit, I remember waking up this morning and feeling the fear crawl into my body at the thought of assessments, and my fate if I fail… Again.

I thought of the time left and work undone and I gave in. The peace I had in an avalanche just disappeared, fiam! I decided to stream Gretzinger to remind myself of peace, before my roommate helped me find solid ground again.

God and His amazing ways! He made today end on a very good note. I got favored in the hospital with a consultant I’ve always dreaded, on a case I was unprepared for and when I presented I got a good grade. Likee, guys, he said “I’m impressed! You’re such a good student, I like the way you think!” Ah!

I know this is God reminding me that He is with me and for me, and I don’t take it for granted.

There’s a loooooooot more in my mind that I cannot find words to express in. So much.

I totally get understand too that some humans think mental health disorders are nothing but attention seeking behavior, I pray they never have to deal with one themselves.

I pray for you too, and for everyone who deals with fears, panic attacks, anxiety disorder, mental health issues and everything in the spectrum, for the days you will feel you should have healed already and are frustrated at your self for still feeling pain (like I was at dawn), that you will remember to allow God take your humanity and transform it into something powerful.

If you ever need to talk… Ever. I’m here. And I love you.

Emem ye ifure. 💜

Cc: Your GJ. ✌️