…anchored.

ALian. Hi!

I know you expected a blog entry to complete the previous one, I apologise. That entry cannot be completed. It had no end. Lol.

I think I’m laughing out loud a lot more these days sha. (Don’t worry. I’ve not found ‘love’ yet. Lol. Your love is enough for me rn).

As an aside, one of those days last month, I posted about a football match with Real Madrid and a friend DMed to ask “Who is the lucky guy?” lol. Omo. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Guy ke? Lol. So, I now need ‘man’ in my life to watch football. He assumed I started seeing matches because I’m now in a relationship. I could say “I wish” but, I don’t want God to take up my case. Lol. I love this moment I’m living in and all the love I’m living with.

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As you know, writing these blog entries is therapeutic for me, I had already decided I’ll write to you today because I felt like a cat having a bad hair day. Really irritable and crappy.

And, yay, friends are priceless gifts! One of mine called earlier today to keep crappy GJ company. We spoke for a while. I got better then I slipped again.

It was a case of me feeling crappy but not knowing. He just said I sounded abnormal. Then, I thought of a few things and realised it was hormonal. The red visitor. Lol.

I mentioned offhandedly the 7 year struggle with amenorrhoea in the last entry, yay? Anyone who has PCOS would probably relate to what I’m saying better, but I’ll try to explain.

See, the thing with having irregular flows is that you live prepared. You know the way some Christians always pray to God to forgive their sins of omission and commission so they don’t miss the rapture? It’s the same way. Lol.

Yet another thing is that the flow is not always heavy, and my dear, pads are not free. Lol. So, you can’t waste them, can you? If you’d ever had 15 days of flow as against the normal 5 days you know how stressful it is. Blood, on exposure to air, has a terrible stench. Unlike most people, I rarely have painful periods, just slight discomfort, so how I know it’s time for my monthly most times is the uncomfortable stench.

It happened yesterday! In someone’s house. Lol. So, I had to sleep over at a friend’s place yesterday, and then, we’re playing ludo (first time in all my life, tho) when I feel the discomfort and the stench. Omo. I wanted to enter the ground. Lol. Of all days! When I’m out of my house! I found an excuse to clean myself but I was in a terrible state for the whole evening. Thankfully, I took one pad, it saved my life.

Thing is, with irregular cycles, counting is pointless. You just stay prepared always. And hope… Some days it’s good, some days you spot in between heavy flows, some days you just… Oh well.

Anyways, I wanted to come here and write because I put out my podcast link today and later checked analytics. Guess how many listens? Lol. 2, my dear. Lol. Two!

Omo! I wanted to cry. Lol. Podcast that took me (and my partner) hours to edit o. Podcast that I pray almost daily for. Podcast that gives me panic attacks when I’m publishing. Lol. Omo! I felt terrible. And of course I felt it’s something I’m not doing right that’s responsible for the analytics. I know we’re close to 300 listens, but… This one got to me.

I sha committed to weekly episodes so I was still editing the episodes for third/fourth week when my cousin knocked on my door to remind me of prayers. Omo! That’s the last thing I wanted to do. Pray wetin? Lol. Yet, you know, it’s the best thing that happened to me.

As I began to pray, peace flooded me. And when we said “Amen” 60 minutes later, I didn’t want it to end. My intended blog post was to be chaotic, no direction, no stability, but after prayers, I was anchored. I found peace. I’m not going to wet my pillows tonight. I’ll sleep in peace. Having 2 listens only doesn’t bother me now. Every episode is for Him. He’s my primary audience, and if only two people need to listen, then I’m content.

I hope this entry reminds you of our Father, his peace, and his promise to keep you…anchored. 💜