Heeeeey, Alian! 😁😍🥰
Before i begin this entry i should tell you how much I’ve missed writing to you and that i love you so much.
The past few weeks post-resumption i’ve been living my best days, bubbling over with joy…until yesterday.
I’m not sure what exactly happened but I know i returned home tired. First time in several weeks…it may be hard to believe but one of the blessings God gave me this new academic session is rest and strength. So, tiredness has become alien.
This morning, i woke lethargic, unlike other mornings and i was worried. After God has brought you through something you don’t ever want to go back to that place, yet i found myself free-falling soooooo fast…
I lay on the bed and i felt the tears sting. I didn’t want them to fall…if you’ve been here for a while you know of the years littered with panic attacks and the nights of pillow soaking…i love this place that’s full of joy and strength, this place where i can smile deeply and not feel pain. I honestly believed i was finally home, but my body is a traitor. It doesn’t believe it is worthy of this bliss, this rest…
Too many triggers.
On Thursday, I read from Mystical union that i don’t have ti do anything to be loved…i only have to accept the sacrifice of Jesus. Then, Sunday, PV taught that i have supernatural help. And this morning, my friend, Ojochegbe said “we don’t experience what the world does, our experience is supernatural…” I honestly believe, but my body? It obviously doesn’t agree. Some days, I want to be human and wounded, yet i know I’ll still cry back to the Lord’s arms.
So, after prayers this morning, i went to IG and found a post from @financial jennifer (I’ll share the link below). After reading it, i cried, i crode, i crew.
I’m constantly learning that this journey is fueled by consciousness. Everyday, we wake up and choose to be loved. We choose to accept His peace. We choose to accept His grace and to live gracefully.
Some days it’s easier and seamless, on other days it requires a little more patience… (not going to negate the ease by using an opposite word…). Most importantly, I’ve learned that it is always easy. As easy as whispering “Jesus help me”… i wrote to remind you…your Father’s intervention is always a prayer away...
I have a special curated playlist for those days that you need a reminder, you can listen on YT music:
Have a swell week. ❤️